SELF-PROCLAIMED WEREWOLF GROUP ISSUES LIST OF DEMANDS

Dec 3, 2012 - 5:20 PM EST

BY BEA WILDING
DISJOINTED PRESS

RICHMOND (DP) – Loki, leader of the Virginia-based group of self-proclaimed werewolves known as the Wolves of Dominion, has issued a list of demands. Loki has stated that if authorities do not make significant progress on meeting his demands within the next 24 hours, he will release 4,692 lycanthropes he claims are inmates at a secret detention facility in New Mexico.

Officials contacted by Disjointed Press declined to comment.

The demands of the Wolves of Dominion, as stated by Loki, are the following:

1) The injection of lycanthrope saliva will be established as an approved medical treatment for any children afflicted with fatal diseases.

2) Future medical experimentation on lycanthropes will be conducted with the same level of courtesy and kindness that is afforded human research subjects. And only on lycanthropes who agree to be test subjects.

3) No more lycanthropes will be incarcerated on the basis of infection alone.

4) All legislation pertaining to civil rights will be expanded to include those with a third DNA strand.

5) Future lycanthrope bitings will be dealt with in criminal courts, with penalties established consistent with those for assaults that cause injuries of the same severity, plus reasonable additional penalties based on the fact that a lycanthrope bite is a life-altering injury.

6) We want fair trials for all inmates at all the lycanthrope detention facilities. Those found not guilty of violent crimes will be released, as any human would, to enjoy the unalienable rights of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.

7) While we await trial, we want to be incarcerated in facilities that will provide us the same living conditions enjoyed by human inmates. Except we need a diet that’s at least seventy-five percent meat. We are carnivores, after all.

8) Gil Weekes’s corps of werewolf-hunters will be disbanded and a new corps will be established under Weekes with a sole mission to identify and neutralize human-killing lycanthropes. The goal will be to take them alive so they can be brought to trial but, undoubtedly, some of them will opt for suicide by cop.

9) All of the Fang-Hunters who recently resigned will be given the option to join the new corps and reasonable screening and hiring procedures will be put in place so those who wish to join will have the opportunity.

10) Every official search-and-rescue team will be required to have at least one lycanthrope member. Civilian teams will be allowed to include lycanthrope members, should they so desire.

11) A panel will be formed to establish reasonable standards for the care of the newly bitten with a primary goal of assuring they can roam free without becoming people-eaters. Numerous facilities already exist for this purpose and at least half the members of the panel will be lycanthropes already serving in those facilities. A primary function of the panel will be to establish a minimum percentage such facilities must meet to stay in operation, with regard to their beneficiaries staying clean. That is to say, not eating people. Or their livestock. Or their pets. Or any other animals considered to be in a protected status, such as those at zoos and wildlife refuges and those on endangered species lists. Lycanthropes will be allowed to create new facilities to support the newly bitten as long as they meet the standards established by the panel.

12) A panel will be formed to establish operating procedures for lycanthrope packs that wish to serve the public as feral-lycanthrope hunters. At least half the members of the panel will come from packs already operating in that capacity. Among the duties of the panel will be to establish appropriate levels of coordination and cooperation between these packs and Weekes’s corps.

13) All subordinate pack members will be held blameless for any violent or destructive acts they committed on orders from their alpha males during any missions related to the hunting of feral lycanthropes or the recovery of the newly bitten. The alpha males will be held fully accountable. You can start with me.

© 2012. All rights reserved.

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